Pre-Pre-Nuptial Agreement

Tom Goff

in case (as appears likely)

I should love


here’s a list

of things I promise (or not)

to do to or

with you


  1. a) give you

all the watermelons on the floor

of a Mexican store

I’ll even haul off

all the seeds you eschew

or patoo


  1. b) come up from behind you


and gather you in warm

shoulders and backside

pushing against me inescapable

my hands in your big

Captain Kangaroo

front skirt pockets


having performed b) then on to

  1. c) probe with my tongue

every so often

where Mom and Dad always told us to

be sure and

wash behind

taking care that you and I have

first removed our



and d) I promise not to do what

was done to me once give you such a

smacking kiss on the ear

as did someone who

kissed me so hard

she jarred loose the

anvil and stirrup

damn near sucked my


inside out

our mistakes must be ours alone


and e) with you I will do

all the good bits from

American Psycho

the parts everyone sneaks

a read at in the stacks

at the store

the fun not the overly

kinky or gory

no games with electrodes

if you fry for my fat will get a big


you can’t make me

melt a candle all over your

bare skin, nor will I


prone on the bright chips from your

windshield while gagged and


squeezing your soft twin perfect

rear-view mirror dice

sign here if you agree to these terms

bear in mind this

I love you applies if you

meet certain conditions

see codicil pg 2

take your time think it over read the

fine print don’t want you to think

you’re signing your

life away

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